It is rather late at night, I am lying in bed looking at the dark ceiling and the fan seems to rotate faster than usual…..
Whizzzzzz.....a gentle lullaby like sound and the blades are translucent too, I can see the ceiling through them.
Darkness, it envelops me with lethal warmth.
Lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub …I listen in rapt attention, just the tempo of my breath. "How does all this work?" The mind ponders for a moment.
Blink, the answer flashes on the 17" screen of my mind "It is so intricate and could crash any second".
The heartbeats sprint and my breathing is now more like a heave-ho! Someone's kept a heavy boulder on my chest!
My body begins to melt away into nothingness; as it thaws apart piece by piece, into an ocean unknown.
There is nothing left.
I am thinking. Thoughts flow rapidly- Is this consciousness? I wonder!
What got me to this point in the first place?
From my heart-beat to the cataclysm, how did it all happen? But I know I am not dead yet!
It won't happen tonight as I lay in bed. I am mighty relieved.
Then the fear gets over me again, someday I am going to die!
My body has stiffened; I feel the fear grip my every sinew.
I ask myself "Am I going to die?" No, at least for the time-being, I tell myself
I often wonder what death is. Sometimes I fear death.
I think about the sound I will make when the heartbeat slows to a whisper, then stops. The breathing is hushed. Then what?
Silence?
It had always been there, but I never heard it before. My preoccupation with myself had not let me hear this.
The quiet of the dawn- so serene;
The rhythm of a bird in flight- so divine;
A flower blooming in the garden- so beautiful.
No sound- just silence.
I extrapolate this to the world at large; feel sad when I think of my nearest ones dying.
My body trembles, where do they go? Will I ever get to see them? When I die, will I meet them?
Do these thoughts haunt others as well?
Struggles of life!
The jobs we seek and the ones elusive. The dreams we pursue and the passion within. The panic rises, the depression sets in, very heavy this time. Brawny and at times vicious.
Thoughts turn into motion. The mind rolls and my heart beats faster, responding to nothingness.
Then I turn heavenwards, "Please! Help me!" I surrender myself to the power of the divine and it's beautiful. I wish someone could lift and cuddle me.
The fright of dying is devastating. I am not dead yet and that makes me happy for now.
One day I know there will be Silence! Is this the absolute truth??? Is this the death I fear? Is this what everyone is terrified of?
I look at myself. I am sleeping, blissfully like a baby.
They are crying, yet I hear no sound.
Silence, eternal silence.
I am smiling.
No sound- just silence! Plain and simple silence!
Also on ab.sulekha.com
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Landing in Kuwait...flight of fancy
Tether not
Your mind,
Let it soar
Its flight of fancy
Let it gallop
In its fantasy
Let it Canter
factually.......
Only then would you have relived life in your writings- a honest attempt at living- Expat's Musings
' Yatriyon, kripya dhyaan deejiye. Hum thodi hi deir mein Kuwait mein utharnewaale hain. Krupya apni seat seedhi karen, tray table bandh karen aur kamar-peti baandhe rakhen ', the best voice on the sickly AI aircraft cooed a message in Hindi. She looked hot no doubt, her belly-button showing with a hint of a tattoo trying to get some light from where it was hidden. She came rounded at the base, flat-packed in the middle, full and ripe where it mattered and that face-mashallah, subhanallah, all steam-rolled into one. I wished I could pluck those fleshy rosy lips from where they pouted. I pretended to sleep on, my seat belt unbuckled, my seat reclined and my tray table open .
A few seconds later I felt her buckle me up. Her breath felt hot as I felt the heat from her heaving bosom while she closed the tray. It seemed she whispered as she straightened my seat...I cd see her perspiring arm pits, I pretended to jump up startled trying to touch her. I was hallucinating....must be the coffee. My freaking National Carrier had ogresses for attendants, I could have well been tom-dancing in front of a cannibal chieftain.
What a flight- Hyderabad to Kuwait via a Bora Ahmedabad.....the shiite brothers filled up the rest of the flight. I must have been the only ka'afir on the craft. The youth looked bearded and holy, their wives hot and horny......oh my ! See what the flight had done to my psyche...I even exchanged a few meaningful glances with my voluptuous neighbor (at least i assumed she must be despite her funny looking hijab). I smiled as she twitched her lips in invitation. Would I ever see her again?
10.45 pm....the mercury read a freaking 41 degrees, I had left a hot-hot Hyderabad at a blistering 40 at 3 pm in the afternoon and here I was in the darkness of the nite, in a freaking cauldron.
I wont like this god-damned place..I told myself as I trudged ahead to the immigration. A veiled lady asked me...U come first time Kuwait...I replied Aiwa...She said ' Faddal, Ahlan wa Sahlan, welcome to Kuwait'. My Passport was stamped and I ran ahead to fetch a trolley....I lit up.....Ohh..for a well-earned lungful of smoke..Nicotine, baby I love you.. My mobile rang, it was M, my classmate, very close friend, an ad-mad man now married to my dentist sister-in-law. He was instrumental in getting me over, for now lets call him the 'SAVIOR'....
Fiddling for my mobile, I accidentally dropped my passport case. As I bent to pick it up, someone beat me to it.. my hand touched hers for one eternal moment. Time stopped in its tracks. She smiled, the pout more prominent than ever. My gaze dropped to the flat-pack. I saw the tattoo again, it was a hand that was reaching for her navel ...they looked like mine....Ooomph! I looked at my hand, it was still clasped in hers.. We shook hands!
'Have a nice stay' she said and left as the crew made its way out through a priority exit...she was gone..forever! 'You too', I muttered sheepishly. As she disappeared round the bend, I smelt my hands....pour femme fatale!
At the conveyor belt now, I saw my co-passenger. She was smiling. She gestured as she crushed and dropped some piece of paper on the ground..I went and picked it up where she left..6745610...must be her telephone number...aha...
Let it soar
Its flight of fancy
Let it gallop
In its fantasy
Let it Canter
factually.......
Only then would you have relived life in your writings- a honest attempt at living- Expat's Musings
' Yatriyon, kripya dhyaan deejiye. Hum thodi hi deir mein Kuwait mein utharnewaale hain. Krupya apni seat seedhi karen, tray table bandh karen aur kamar-peti baandhe rakhen ', the best voice on the sickly AI aircraft cooed a message in Hindi. She looked hot no doubt, her belly-button showing with a hint of a tattoo trying to get some light from where it was hidden. She came rounded at the base, flat-packed in the middle, full and ripe where it mattered and that face-mashallah, subhanallah, all steam-rolled into one. I wished I could pluck those fleshy rosy lips from where they pouted. I pretended to sleep on, my seat belt unbuckled, my seat reclined and my tray table open .
A few seconds later I felt her buckle me up. Her breath felt hot as I felt the heat from her heaving bosom while she closed the tray. It seemed she whispered as she straightened my seat...I cd see her perspiring arm pits, I pretended to jump up startled trying to touch her. I was hallucinating....must be the coffee. My freaking National Carrier had ogresses for attendants, I could have well been tom-dancing in front of a cannibal chieftain.
What a flight- Hyderabad to Kuwait via a Bora Ahmedabad.....the shiite brothers filled up the rest of the flight. I must have been the only ka'afir on the craft. The youth looked bearded and holy, their wives hot and horny......oh my ! See what the flight had done to my psyche...I even exchanged a few meaningful glances with my voluptuous neighbor (at least i assumed she must be despite her funny looking hijab). I smiled as she twitched her lips in invitation. Would I ever see her again?
10.45 pm....the mercury read a freaking 41 degrees, I had left a hot-hot Hyderabad at a blistering 40 at 3 pm in the afternoon and here I was in the darkness of the nite, in a freaking cauldron.
I wont like this god-damned place..I told myself as I trudged ahead to the immigration. A veiled lady asked me...U come first time Kuwait...I replied Aiwa...She said ' Faddal, Ahlan wa Sahlan, welcome to Kuwait'. My Passport was stamped and I ran ahead to fetch a trolley....I lit up.....Ohh..for a well-earned lungful of smoke..Nicotine, baby I love you.. My mobile rang, it was M, my classmate, very close friend, an ad-mad man now married to my dentist sister-in-law. He was instrumental in getting me over, for now lets call him the 'SAVIOR'....
Fiddling for my mobile, I accidentally dropped my passport case. As I bent to pick it up, someone beat me to it.. my hand touched hers for one eternal moment. Time stopped in its tracks. She smiled, the pout more prominent than ever. My gaze dropped to the flat-pack. I saw the tattoo again, it was a hand that was reaching for her navel ...they looked like mine....Ooomph! I looked at my hand, it was still clasped in hers.. We shook hands!
'Have a nice stay' she said and left as the crew made its way out through a priority exit...she was gone..forever! 'You too', I muttered sheepishly. As she disappeared round the bend, I smelt my hands....pour femme fatale!
At the conveyor belt now, I saw my co-passenger. She was smiling. She gestured as she crushed and dropped some piece of paper on the ground..I went and picked it up where she left..6745610...must be her telephone number...aha...
My male magnetism was on song today I hummed to myself as I looked at the paper. I almost read it aloud..6745610? 6745610?.. 6 7 4 5 6 10...isn't this my number?
THUD! The goddamned aircraft had landed....rattling on all her limbs...My dream bubble had burst- End of a flight of fancy.
The Ogresses were at the door, wishing us namaste, thank you!
Kuwait, just as I had dreamt, was ****ing hot...the mercury read 42 degrees C.
To the days ahead cheers..
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