Memories- 27th February - This day that year

Fatherhood was round the corner! Circa 2003, 27th February.

February is rather pleasant; Spring time, when nature sports the best hue of the year, this year was no different. Mom had turned 54, so I was up rather early to call and wish her. Happy Birthday Mom, may you have many more !!! My wife was her chirpy self, singing the birthday song over the phone and wishing Mom on behalf of us 'THREE'. The third one was in his 27th week and yet to see the light of the world. Hertummy was now showing and my pretty wife looked prettier than ever. Amazing what pregnancy does as a beauty enhancer. I was a proud husband and an even proud and budding father.

Dropping her at office, I told her I would be early to pick her up. It had been quite sometime since we went out for dinner on a weekday. She blushed in romantic expectation and her rosy cheeks glowed brighter.

Both of us 'deadly' workaholics; me a Telecom-Marketing/Communications pro & she- a Banker- Between us we spent a whopping 180 hours an average every week at the work-place. Watch out for Karoshi I used to often joke.

The day virtually zipped past, I had called Mom twice again to wish her. Small gestures that I thought went a long way in cementing relationships.

A pre-paid subscriber promotion meeting was on; my CEO had announced to me 'AB, lets do a SMS free burst.'...As I did some serious number crunching, my phone vibrator buzzed. It was my next door neighbor, Mukund. He worked for Oracle.

Excusing myself, I answered the phone "Yes Mukund".

" My apologies for disturbing you, have you by any chance left your main door open?" he asked.

"No", I said.

"I think its ajar". I was worried now.

"I think G must have come home then, could you please check?".

I fished out my personal phone and began dialing her number , No response. Little wonder, she never answered her mobile. Thanks to my company, they provided free mobile connections to spouses of Managers too.

Mukund meanwhile rang my door bell, I could hear the gong like door bell.

"No response buddy", he said.

"Can you check if anyone is inside", my heart-beat was racing, as I lit up a cigarette.

" No one in the living room"....

"Oh shit", I heard Mukund exclaim.

"What happened?", I yelled. Many of my colleagues turned around to look at me.

"Your house has been burgled". Mukund observed.

"I am coming" .I thanked Mukund and hung up.

Little did I realise that it was time for me to pick up G as well for our proposed dinner. She can wait, I thought as I swerved into our street. One of the best addresses in the city, the erstwhile chief minister also lived in our street. A high security, 24x7 patrol street.

Burglary sounded an impossibility, that too in broad day light. Our apartments had security guards too.

I reached home. Mukund was waiting for me. The house was indeed burgled. I couldn't really figure out what had been stolen..

'Holy shit", I remembered. G had just cleaned up her bank lockers and had brought all her jewellery home the earlier night. Now all was gone. We, Indians love Gold, my wife was an exception. She was planning to send all this stuff (approx 450 grams) back to her Mom with a cousin who was due to fly out the day after.

My mobile rang, it was G. I told her I was stuck at work and asked her to hail a cab home.....7 months pregnant, did she deserve all this now?

As I scanned the house, I saw they had burgled both the bedrooms, stolen all the metals that looked precious, plus the kiddy bank. My prized collection of watches had gone too....

I turned around to a shriek, it was G...she had screamed and collapsed in a heap.

Memories of that day haunt us still, this evening as we called Mom to wis, G turned to me meaningfully. I could see tears well up those deep eyes.

"I remember sweetheart, every single moment of that day"as I hugged her tight and held her close.

"They stole every single piece, didnt they?", she asked me sobbing.

Memories...they will never cease!

The Mobile Web Cam- For the M-Voyeur; now in Kuwait

The Third Eye!!!!!!

Espionage (Clandestine HUMINT) will soon be redundant as technology continues its perennial penetration into private domains.....

As if we didn't have enough, a local (now Qatari) mobile service provider is pulling a coup of sorts.

Not just on its ' Amsterdam/Bahrain/Kuwait' based competitor but on the unassuming families and contacts of its subscribers as well. The grape-vine says that the second operator will soon introduce a similar service in Kuwait as well.

Imagine this!

You are a subscriber and a proud owner of a handset that supports video-calling- a 3G handset. Walk into any of their Office / kiosk in town and ask for this service.

For about 100 KD (inclusive of hardware, activation and one year rentals), you can walk home with a new gizmo that looks like a miniature helmet. This has its own SIM card (which means it has its own identification number), but the contraption cannot talk...it believes in the maxim 'seeing is believing', hearing is a devastating add on. This is the latest version of the WEBCAM.

How it works.....

Once you have activated this new toy, you could place it anywhere you want....I mean anywhere!

It is small, It sees and it can relay what it sees....and who controls it? The caller of course. That means anyone and everyone (of course has a 3G Handset).

This is probably the most destructive tool a pervert needs or for that matter a scheming doubter (no gender bias).

Call the number and gzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...the little monster springs to life..Sitting in the comfort of your office, car or even overseas you can call ur third eye and get to see whats happening around it..Did I say around? Yes you got me right, the caller can not only activate the camera, but can also control the camera's rotation....

The caller can be anyone, you, me, the rest of the world. The instrument is activated without a noise, maybe without a hum too.....the silent sentinel.

Now, the company has pitched a 'security device' sales story, for the safety of your kids and family....Boy! That's so endearing and thoughtful of the company.

Having eaten the share of my telecom pie working for an overseas telecom giant, I have a fair idea of how this little tool can drive revenues for the company. I am not against technology/gadgets but I would surely advocate the safe and wise usage of any such device.

• Imagine if this lil 'peeping tom' was strategically placed in a highly private part of the house/ or some public place.....and getting caught in the act
• Imagine getting bugged by your boss...and get caught napping
• Imagine someone trying to fix you in a trap...and get framed
• Imagine getting bugged by your doubting spouses or partners....to be caught red-handed
• Imagine exposing yourself in the privacy of your apartment.... only to be seen by this contraption while some one else drools.
• And then imagine a wrong call....and imagine the wrong caller happens to be a psycho.....

Video files dont need major conversion tools to be relayed as MMS....the effect could be deadlier than death. Now for some Telecom jargon.

Revenue Assurance Mechanism for the company:

1. Hardware Sales
2. Activation charges
3. Annual Rental
4. Video Calling (@ 3 -5 times a voice call charge, higher in case of Roaming)
5. Sure shot increase of caller-traffic thereby progressive revenue earning.
6. Definite increase of MMS traffic
7. Multiple sales of Hardware from a single subscriber
8. Probable royalties from 3G Handset brands

Smart Questions :

• How will you ensure privacy of the subject?- Impossible, unless you define a closed user group for the camera. Possible in the case of Corporate accounts.

• How will you restrict the number of users/viewers- Answers same as above.

Would I advocate using this product?

• Yes, if you are using it for official purposes .
• A definite No no for private users....I dont need a darmed M-cam to watch over my kids.

Some one from the industry rightly observed- a perfect catalyst to an ever increasing divorce rate. Lawyers rejoice the arrival of your partner!

But there is no immediate cause for concern as

• Local and international agreements on video calling for the operator are still pending
• For now one can only access video-calling from designated 'video-calling' areas only.

The danger is in the making....

Watch this space for more 'gyaan' (knowledge) on Telecom......

The Texas Democratic Debate- 2008

So the two die-hard Democratic Presidential candidates met for a rather uneventful debate in Texas. A damp squib for the Clinton aides who hoped she would thump this one for a change and reboot her slump in her race ( She has lost 11 states in a row mind you). Obama camp on the other hand expected him to walk all over her thus stamping his lead. Neither happened. For most of the debate, we witnessed a kind of kiss-and-make up approach with both the Democrats agreeing to each other views on Iraq, Health Care, Immigration Reforms etc. There was hardly any thing different that either spoke. But for a clincher, Clinton accused Obama of plagiarism with a statement ' Thats not change you can believe in, That's change you can Xerox'. To which Obama retorted with ' That means my supporters are delusional'. Clinton didn't quite walk away with this one, but she didn't give it away to Obama on a platter either. The desperate cynicism in her campaigning showed, while Obama seemed to play big brother. There were two winners on Thursday night, The Democratic Party (which promised unity in the race post nomination as well) and Xerox- the photocopiers were eternally genericised by the former first lady. The Democrat voters will meanwhile twiddle their thumbs and chew their nails....whom shall I vote ?

Kuwaitis, beware this is going to be one decisive electoral process and an even more defining race to the white-house. For most businesses around town have been swearing allegiance to the Amreeki business, and many have made their moolah by hook or crook. The armed forces are surely declining in number, a lot of scrutiny happening at the camps for all business deals..this wl mean lesser businesses in the years to come, With the middle east rooting for Sen. Obama, we wl surely see a new Iraq minus the Amreekis.

Popeye's & Little Caesars Kuwait

Popeye's- The American Fast Food Chain that's modelled itself on the Colonels Chicken from Kentucky. Now Popeye's in Kuwait operates in tandem with the Pizza Pizza Man- the Flintstone version of the most famous Roman Emperor; Yeah Little Ceasars it is. Both franchised operations are run by the same management company owned by a savvy connoisseur Doctor. Used to be a suffering enterprise, has slowly begun building its equity up.

For the fast food junkies that love conveyor Pizzas or those that want a break from finger lickin good, this place is a must try. The fried chicken here is not only crispier, but also has less trans-fat used in deep frying; the spice is spot on! And boy, the Cajun Fries are top-notch. If you hope to slice into a pan-fried, do try the pizza.

The service is pretty good, the staff very friendly minus the Hello Serrr, hello maaam that the other Fast food chains croon in mechanical precision.

Doctor, My biggest grouse however with you guys is tyour decor. It sucks! Spruce up your place a lil, fill some light in there, dont paste view-windows with A3 posters....they knock the wind-sails out of the ambience.

But that doesnt take away any credit from the tasty stuff you dole out. I even suggested my nephews recent birthday party to be arranged at Popeyes, the food rocked- the children and the adults loved it all, We have some regulars to these places now....,guess we cd have done better without the hostess of the day. She wasn't quite at ease with the children. But hey, thats no big complaint.

This is not my claim to fame, but if you do want to deck up your walls, if you want better kids-meal gifts than those 70 fils yoyos I could help you Doc.....for a fee of course :) Not a foodservice consultant for nothing....keep up the good work guys! Will patronise you and recommend people I know as well...TRY POPEYE AND LITTLE CAESARS in Kuwait.

A question for the spinach popping folks- who is Popeye's girlfriend?...

The Sound of Silence.....

It is rather late at night, I am lying in bed looking at the dark ceiling and the fan seems to rotate faster than usual…..
Whizzzzzz.....a gentle lullaby like sound and the blades are translucent too, I can see the ceiling through them.
Darkness, it envelops me with lethal warmth.
Lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub …I listen in rapt attention, just the tempo of my breath. "How does all this work?" The mind ponders for a moment.
Blink, the answer flashes on the 17" screen of my mind "It is so intricate and could crash any second".
The heartbeats sprint and my breathing is now more like a heave-ho! Someone's kept a heavy boulder on my chest!
My body begins to melt away into nothingness; as it thaws apart piece by piece, into an ocean unknown.
There is nothing left.
I am thinking. Thoughts flow rapidly- Is this consciousness? I wonder!
What got me to this point in the first place?
From my heart-beat to the cataclysm, how did it all happen? But I know I am not dead yet!
It won't happen tonight as I lay in bed. I am mighty relieved.
Then the fear gets over me again, someday I am going to die!
My body has stiffened; I feel the fear grip my every sinew.
I ask myself "Am I going to die?" No, at least for the time-being, I tell myself
I often wonder what death is. Sometimes I fear death.
I think about the sound I will make when the heartbeat slows to a whisper, then stops. The breathing is hushed. Then what?
Silence?
It had always been there, but I never heard it before. My preoccupation with myself had not let me hear this.
The quiet of the dawn- so serene;
The rhythm of a bird in flight- so divine;
A flower blooming in the garden- so beautiful.
No sound- just silence.
I extrapolate this to the world at large; feel sad when I think of my nearest ones dying.
My body trembles, where do they go? Will I ever get to see them? When I die, will I meet them?
Do these thoughts haunt others as well?
Struggles of life!
The jobs we seek and the ones elusive. The dreams we pursue and the passion within. The panic rises, the depression sets in, very heavy this time. Brawny and at times vicious.
Thoughts turn into motion. The mind rolls and my heart beats faster, responding to nothingness.
Then I turn heavenwards, "Please! Help me!" I surrender myself to the power of the divine and it's beautiful. I wish someone could lift and cuddle me.
The fright of dying is devastating. I am not dead yet and that makes me happy for now.
One day I know there will be Silence! Is this the absolute truth??? Is this the death I fear? Is this what everyone is terrified of?
I look at myself. I am sleeping, blissfully like a baby.
They are crying, yet I hear no sound.
Silence, eternal silence.
I am smiling.
No sound- just silence! Plain and simple silence!

Also on ab.sulekha.com

Landing in Kuwait...flight of fancy

Tether not

Your mind,
Let it soar
Its flight of fancy
Let it gallop
In its fantasy
Let it Canter
factually.......

Only then would you have relived life in your writings- a honest attempt at living- Expat's Musings



' Yatriyon, kripya dhyaan deejiye. Hum thodi hi deir mein Kuwait mein utharnewaale hain. Krupya apni seat seedhi karen, tray table bandh karen aur kamar-peti baandhe rakhen ', the best voice on the sickly AI aircraft cooed a message in Hindi. She looked hot no doubt, her belly-button showing with a hint of a tattoo trying to get some light from where it was hidden. She came rounded at the base, flat-packed in the middle, full and ripe where it mattered and that face-mashallah, subhanallah, all steam-rolled into one. I wished I could pluck those fleshy rosy lips from where they pouted. I pretended to sleep on, my seat belt unbuckled, my seat reclined and my tray table open .

A few seconds later I felt her buckle me up. Her breath felt hot as I felt the heat from her heaving bosom while she closed the tray. It seemed she whispered as she straightened my seat...I cd see her perspiring arm pits, I pretended to jump up startled trying to touch her. I was hallucinating....must be the coffee. My freaking National Carrier had ogresses for attendants, I could have well been tom-dancing in front of a cannibal chieftain.

What a flight- Hyderabad to Kuwait via a Bora Ahmedabad.....the shiite brothers filled up the rest of the flight. I must have been the only ka'afir on the craft. The youth looked bearded and holy, their wives hot and horny......oh my ! See what the flight had done to my psyche...I even exchanged a few meaningful glances with my voluptuous neighbor (at least i assumed she must be despite her funny looking hijab). I smiled as she twitched her lips in invitation. Would I ever see her again?

10.45 pm....the mercury read a freaking 41 degrees, I had left a hot-hot Hyderabad at a blistering 40 at 3 pm in the afternoon and here I was in the darkness of the nite, in a freaking cauldron.

I wont like this god-damned place..I told myself as I trudged ahead to the immigration. A veiled lady asked me...U come first time Kuwait...I replied Aiwa...She said ' Faddal, Ahlan wa Sahlan, welcome to Kuwait'. My Passport was stamped and I ran ahead to fetch a trolley....I lit up.....Ohh..for a well-earned lungful of smoke..Nicotine, baby I love you.. My mobile rang, it was M, my classmate, very close friend, an ad-mad man now married to my dentist sister-in-law. He was instrumental in getting me over, for now lets call him the 'SAVIOR'....


Fiddling for my mobile, I accidentally dropped my passport case. As I bent to pick it up, someone beat me to it.. my hand touched hers for one eternal moment. Time stopped in its tracks. She smiled, the pout more prominent than ever. My gaze dropped to the flat-pack. I saw the tattoo again, it was a hand that was reaching for her navel ...they looked like mine....Ooomph! I looked at my hand, it was still clasped in hers.. We shook hands!

'Have a nice stay' she said and left as the crew made its way out through a priority exit...she was gone..forever! 'You too', I muttered sheepishly. As she disappeared round the bend, I smelt my hands....pour femme fatale!

At the conveyor belt now, I saw my co-passenger. She was smiling. She gestured as she crushed and dropped some piece of paper on the ground..I went and picked it up where she left..6745610...must be her telephone number...aha...

My male magnetism was on song today I hummed to myself as I looked at the paper. I almost read it aloud..6745610? 6745610?.. 6 7 4 5 6 10...isn't this my number?

THUD! The goddamned aircraft had landed....rattling on all her limbs...My dream bubble had burst- End of a flight of fancy.

The Ogresses were at the door, wishing us namaste, thank you!

Kuwait, just as I had dreamt, was ****ing hot...the mercury read 42 degrees C.

To the days ahead cheers..

Dhoni, Obama on a roll, Kuwaits still dusty

Who the **** is Dhoni?

To the cricket ignoramuses, Dhoni is currently Prince Charming of Indian cricket. The Twenty-20 World Cup winning skipper notched up a whopping 1.5 million $ on the first ever bid on World Cricketers for the IPL (Indian Premier League). I-no-monkey-Aussie Symonds came a close second with 1.35 million $ being dished out for his head. The richest cricketing administration (BCCI- Board of Cricket for Control oops Control for Cricket, whatever **** that means, in India) is surely getting richer. The best Cricket marketing gurus without doubt...we taught the world Kama-sutra, now we will teach them game-a-sutra as well.


Obama is happy and why not? He won a predominantly white Wisconsin and followed it up with a Hawaian thrashing to Hilary, who is currently looking hilarious with her health care and free-panties for women promises....Oh Honolulu! Thats 10 in a row for the savvy Nig*** with Kenyan Cousins. I am happy, this is a welcome black fly in a creamy-white american soup...vely vely tastee tastee... Clinton, where is Monica, make her your wife's campaign manager.. she could pole dance you to the Oval office again...get the intern from her hiding place Billy Boy. Cigars never tasted so good.

Talk of Cigars, reminds me of the biggest Habanero of them all- Fidel . Fidel Castro. The revolutionary.

Castro says he is stepping down, tired of showing his finger to Uncle Sam for a full 49 years. Some middle finger that! Must be sore as well! Will Raul go the demo-way and turn INFIDEL? Experts on the subject doubt it very much. I love the Castros, for they had alone had the balls to stand up to the might of Unliateral sanctions imposed by the Big B. 40+ years needs balls of steel, they spark when they clash together.

Three dusty days in a row, has brought in African wheezing into Kuwait, the dusty feeling in the throat is not a very comfy experience you suee. The skies look blue this morning amidst a wind-chill of 6 degrees (ie 4 degrees off the actual temp). Kids School have planned an outing to Souk Sharq' s fish market, told them to watch it on Discovery Channel instead, not worth the stench and of course the stakes of falling ill are pretty high as well.


Kuwaitis are gearing up for a foam, part pop canister holidays.....hey guys! Please please spare the poor unassuming expats, spray on your ilk as much as u like....U guys have the dough to clean up later, we dont! More later today..cheers

Dark & Dusty

Beep-beep, Beep-beep, Beep-beep......I lazily turn over in bed hoping to catch a few more winks...

A decisive tug at my feet, yanks the blanket off me on a rather cold 'end-of-winter' morning. Please baby...just 5 more mins, I drawl, my eyes still closed, stretching out all four limbs of my pajamas.

Ok! She says, Just 5 more, only 5...your time starts now. No sooner than she leaves, beep-beep-beep-beep-beep. My Timex's set for 6 am.

Shit! Can't this darned thing wait? I get out of bed...walk over to the kiddos bedroom, both blissfully asleep. Its a beautiful day as she taps me from behind.

Here! Drink your water.

My daily morning dose of Hydrotherapy, 1.25 liters of water in a brass pot. Will wash away your hypertension, claims my hypotense wife. I guzzle till I can feel it fill up my oesophagus.

In to the living room, my TV is already on, a bollywood couple gyrating in intense heat, the canine-like male sniffs the wet-white female all over, strategically stops at her bosom and move aways. Don't change the channels, I hear her scream from the kitchen.....

Too late...my fingers on the remote already..unstoppable....CNN announces Rhetoric Obama's 9th successive victory over Hilary. More rhetoric, resounding applause, its a tight race Wolf Blitzer says. Obama leads.

PPP leads in Pakistan, no great surprise this. Musharaff is gracious in defeat, this a surprise. Elections seem free and fair- the biggest surprise of them all. Musharaff vows not to step down- no surprise again, Imran Khan - wordmeister, has no choice but to carry on with his Tehreek-e-insaaf (Movement for justice). Will it be Zardari, the cunning thug whose only claim to fame is his now assassinated wife and his swindling of millions of Pakistani tax-payers money?

Press 17...Cricket

Highlights of India posting their nail-biting win over Lankan Lions...Mahela, the self-help manicurist. Chew on!

Force feed the elder one his daily bread and Omlette, pour the milk down his gullet. Breakfast over...run 4 floors downstairs to warm up the Subaru, saves the RPMs wasted. Its dark & dusty outside, mercury reads an Ominous 13 C.

Upstairs, The lil fellow is up and smiling with a cricket bat in his hand, wants his elder sibling to bowl at him..Kiriketh, goes the 1 & a 1/2 year old...the 5 year old brother gleefully obliges.

We are a lil chirpy nuclear family, happy at first sight..plagued by own share of miseries- thats for later.

Todays gonna be a dusty day....the blogs will be updated twice a day, morning and nite...wl feature the latest happenings in town, eateries, at the family place, grapevines, the sub-continent, Bollywood, Cricket and of course the run to the Oval Office as well...We might even delve down under to check on how Rudd's faring since his apology to the stolen generation...India shining, while the stock markets trade in red, my personal portfolio is headed southwards as well...

I've got to drive my wife to office- see you folks in a bit

More musings from a self-styled foodservice consultant thats trying hard to make ends meet..watch this space!